3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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