Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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