it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
