"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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