I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
