jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
