can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
