oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
