yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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