You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
