by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
