I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
