I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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