I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she peed on how many people?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
