I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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