His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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