ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
