dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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