Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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