i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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