I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
