miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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