I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He kissed a someone with a penis
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
