hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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