she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
