She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
