I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
