The maid of honor just puked.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I want to be your penis for a week.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
