Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
