there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
