....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
