someone get that fucking seahorse.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Operation Purity has been aborted
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
