have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
