quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
