guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
