Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
