Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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