If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
