These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Let's get the cat blown out
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
