I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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