what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
