I am in a vortex of obligation.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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