Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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