Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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