what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
