random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
