Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
