I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
