I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
