And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I feel like a drive thru vagina
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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