We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
